The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
