I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
