You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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