And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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