chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
