How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
