there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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