Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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