miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
