I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
