I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
