she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
