Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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