I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
