this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
