I have demons in me.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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