I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
