Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
