Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
