coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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