I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize