I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
