i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
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I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
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I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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