If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
