I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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