I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
