she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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