Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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