Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
