just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
