the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
