from now on my penis is your penis
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
