So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
