you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
