It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
