I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
