Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
