Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
