Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
