some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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