I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
