don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
