the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
