..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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