Do you still have your period?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
