Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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