Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
false alarm. still invincible.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My ATM looks so different sober.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
