meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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