: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
