he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
