just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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