the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
