JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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