life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think a kid would responsible me up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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