Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
