I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
