She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
