I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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