Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
