it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
