I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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