i think i have herpe
just one?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
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I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize