You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i think i just lost a toe
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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