my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
