i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
